Passing on Faith, not Fear

Xander, unlike my other three children, is a “public school kid”.  For various reasons we made the decision to send him to public school. He is happier there and he is flourishing in the environment.  That being said, I have three other children who are all home schooled.  They are happy and healthy and we love what we do.

With much trepidation, I hugged my son and sent him out the door to school on Friday.  I shut the door behind him, laid my head on the door frame and prayed fervently, “God PLEASE take care of my baby.  I know he’s 15, I know he’s smart, and I know he’s a GOOD KID.  Please take care of him, because I can’t go where he goes.”  And I would be lying if I denied the fear that overwhelmed me or the tears that fell that morning as I watched him walk down the drive.

This parenting thing is hard. The night before, Xander and I had a very frank conversation about the school violence that had happened.  It was just last week I had another blunt conversation about taking medication that is not prescribed to you. Explaining to him that kids are dying from taking one pill.  A few weeks earlier, we talked about eating laundry detergent, and how kids his age were needlessly dying from it.  Kids his age, that were smart, and GOOD KIDS were dying.

I’m reaching the point as a parent in which the safety of my children is often out of my control and it makes me  uncomfortable.   Like a momma hen that can fluff herself up and cover all her chicks under her feathered bottom, I can’t keep all my chicks under me anymore.  I can’t make his decisions, or even give him suggestions.  I can’t PROTECT him.  Xander is 15, he’s going to basketball games, and all-nighters.  He’s “hanging out” with friends.  Places that I Can’t Be.  He’s transitioning into the age where one bad decision can change or even end his life.  It’s terrifying.

So here’s my question: how do we handle that paralyzing fear? One response, of course, is to put our children in a bubble so that nothing can possibly hurt them. That’s a dumb thing to do, because it limits their life. How can you let them live out what God has dreamed for them, if they’re stuck in a bubble? If I prohibit Xander from having experiences, including experiences which will help him mature and take on more responsibility, then how can he accomplish what God has planned for him? Bubbles don’t protect our children; they limit them.  I have to let him walk out the door.

For me, this is not a parenting issue as much as a trust issue.

I daily have to go to God and ask Him to help me live my life for Him, and not for my family. Let that sink in.  For Him, not my family.  That is so hard for me.  I love my children, but I have to hold them with an open hand, knowing that they are His first. And if anything does happen to them (just writing that makes my breath stop in my throat), they are still His. And this life is but a short beginning to our real life, which will be in heaven.

I know all that.  But the thought of being without them still stops my heart cold.  There really is not a good solution except to keep going to God in prayer.  We need to trust that God is  both all-knowing and good, even if our children’s future holds something we would not want for them.  But it’s hard when so much of our hearts are wrapped up in our kids.

This is maybe the hardest thing for me as a mother.  Holding my children in my hands, yet not cupping them too tightly as to stifle them.  All due to fear.  None of us know what the future holds for our kids.  There will be bullying, peer pressure, broken relationships, and other suffering for our children.  As of late, it seems that the outside forces of the devil are working harder than ever to destroy our children; and the horrible truth is we can’t protect them from it. But God doesn’t leave us alone in our struggles. He tells us:

The most natural expression of our trust in God is prayer. When we ask God to intercede on behalf of our children, we are saying that we love Him more than anything. He may not answer in our timing, and He may choose something harder than we would have wanted for our children, but we can be sure that He will act according to His good character.

So let me ask you today:  What are you living for?  Are you living for your kids?  Or do you see them as gifts from God, where you are to care for them, till he takes them back to heaven?

Can you temper your fears and raise your children towards independence, and encourage them to fly, because they’re in His hands, and not just yours?

And can you remember that God is enough?  Enough for you, and enough for them.

Those are heavy questions. They may cause some tears. But I think all mothers need to deal with them and get them straight before God. He is big enough to cast all of our fears on, so let’s do it!